REAL*TALK SERIES/Ep. 2: Real* Talk With Jeremy - The Heart Of The Matter

Welcome to our second episode of Mind Health Therapy’s REAL* TALK SERIES where real people real talk about real mental health issues. I am honored to introduce our second guest, Jeremy Torres, a life long friend of mine. Our roots go way back to our moms being close friends growing up in the Philippines prior to immigrating to the United States. My friendship with Jeremy has weathered the typical growing up phases in our lives: from an innocent crush for being the new kid on campus in fourth grade, to awkward truth or dare middle school parties, to forming exclusive cliques in high school, to your catty teenage beefin’ drama, from recording music in the studio and traveling state-wide as a praise band in college, to partying too much when we turned 21, to celebrating love and weddings, to finding our footing in adulting which consists of weekday hang outs to watch the Laker games, holiday gatherings for Friendsgiving and Friendsmas, and most especially having real conversations about how we’ve faced darkness in our lives to find light and love and hope. Jeremy has always been the one to crack up witty jokes sending the entire room into deep belly laughs and to have stupid inside jokes with. He was also someone you could connect with on a deeper level with heart to heart conversations. And he doesn’t hesitate to tell you what you needed to hear even if it isn’t the easiest to take. I have been so honored to have Jeremy as a dear friend and confidant throughout my life and am blessed to share more life trials and triumphs together.

Here’s a glimpse of his life journey in learning the heart of the matter of life through a soul-searching trek towards self-worth:

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WHO AM I?

My name is Jeremy – on the surface, I am a son, brother, uncle, friend, student, musician and a terrible comic. But I believe my (and others’) being(s) stems from much deeper than that. These descriptions are just roles I have found to define myself. But the more I decide to show up and live, the more I learn every day about who I am and that there is so much more I have yet to discover. From the basis of what I have experienced, I believe that my being comes down to self-love and self-worth because in the end, I am the only person responsible for that. I am continually appreciative for the individuals who surround me and grateful to be able to wake up every morning and just be. I am particularly thankful that I am able to be here, present in the moment. I honor the value of sharing my life with others with all that I am.

QUESTION 1:  WHAT DOES STOPPING THE MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA MEAN TO YOU?

I think that the stigma of mental health primarily comes from the negative dichotomous perspective that if you do struggle mentally, other individuals will automatically label you as dangerous, and they are quick to assume that medication and a psych ward is necessary. Yes, there are severe cases where this is necessary, but mental health is not limited to severe cases, it encompasses an entire spectrum. It’s not just all or nothing.

Stopping the stigma to me means being open and vulnerable to admit that I am struggling. There is always help available, whether it be professional, or with friends and family who are always willing to be there for you. Being open about the issues that we are dealing with can help provide clarity for any psychological battle we may be dealing with ourselves. Mental health is particularly meaningful to me because just like we take care of our physical, intellectual and spiritual bodies, we cannot discount the emotional aspect of ones ongoing health and growth. I believe all these parts work together, hand in hand, mind, body, spirit. When we know this and act accordingly, we create and shape a better understanding of who are as whole individuals, and in turn who we are as a collective community here on earth.

QUESTION 2: HOW HAVE YOU STRUGGLED WITH MENTAL HEALTH?

During my early 20’s, I felt stuck with no desire, motivation or drive. I had no direction other than thinking and going backwards. I went through experiences where I wanted things to happen in my life that never happened. This made me more depressed and anxious, and I questioned my whole life’s purpose. I thought I’d at least had some idea or direction by now in my life on who I needed to be. I was lost and did not know my purpose, so I felt there was no purpose. I lost respect for who I was and stopped taking care of myself. I fell into depression because nothing seemed to go right for me. I had no clarity, but in working to navigating my emotional pain I found I had a lack of true understanding of who I was. In my search for meaning, I found there were underlying insecurities related to whether I truly loved myself or not. This took sometime because it was hidden behind a façade of what truly mattered in life. I found a part of it was due to unrealistic expectations of myself. I cared too much about what others thought of me externally, and I let that define me.

QUESTION 3: HOW DID YOU OVERCOME AN EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMING TIME IN YOUR LIFE?

After battling this dilemma for a couple of years, I fought hard to change my mentality and knew that there was help out there. Just as physically we need to eat healthier and spend time exercising, resources such as seeking therapy, having deep and meaningful conversations with friends, reading self-help and philosophical books as well as journaling down my emotions tremendously helped me find that inner peace and wholeheartedly accept who I am. One conversation that started the turning point in my healing was when I opened up to a friend who happened to also struggle with the same perfectionistic, “cookie-cutter” mentality I had. He recommended various books that gifted me guidance and wisdom in how to live my life and view myself. I am forever thankful of that.

For me, it came down to self-worth and finding true clarity within myself. This is the toughest part because we think there’s some switch that immediately turns on, or a defining, awakening moment that happens (which definitely can happen). But for me, my story was different. I found peace and gratitude in accepting that I am not perfect. I acknowledged that part of being human means we go through tough times where we feel lost and confused and don’t meet superficial expectations, and that I am still valuable.

I also got into the daily routine of meditation and incorporate routine yoga to stabilize the on-going existence of my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Throughout my years of music, I’ve learned to utilize it as an expressive tool and creatively process and resolve the many emotions I go through.

QUESTION 4: SHARE WITH US A QUOTE THAT GROUNDS + INSPIRES YOU, AND WHY.

“You can’t live at all unless you can live fully now.” Alan Watts

It simply comes down to mindfulness. Having awareness of what we are feeling and going through right now is all that matters. Being appreciative of where we are at this specific time in each moment of life is what makes the entirety of it all much more meaningful.

QUESTION 5: HOW DOES ONE GAIN INNER PEACE?

I believe that finding inner peace comes within oneself and only oneself. Sometimes we try to find external things to help us validate that, but I believe it comes from deeper than what we might see on the surface. Our ego is constantly urging us to act, think and feel a certain way, but being able to be mindful of this, detaching from the superficial, and grounding on the true meaning of happiness can lead to clarity of what really matters in life. 

Thank you Jeremy for the reminder of what it means to be human and authentic with who we truly are, and that the beauty of life and self is ultimately defined and found within us finding our worth. Thank you for teaching us the heart of the matter in every passing moment is the fact that we exist and this in itself is valuable.

From The Desk Of,
Katrina Niere, LMFT
Founder of Mind Health Therapy