REAL*TALK SERIES/Ep. 7: Real* Talk With CK - Expectation Versus Reality

This is the seventh episode of Mind Health Therapy’s REAL* TALK SERIES. I am so excited to introduce to you the special guest for this episode, CK. CK is a driving force in every community she is a part of—whether it be on campus teaching kiddos how to express themselves through music with so much energy and life, or creating a safe place for Asian American - Pacific Islander womxn to connect and have honest conversations and experiences of love and validation, or sharing her wisdom on a TedxTalk stage, or advocating boldly on Instagram and in her own life for equality and freedom for marginalized populations even before it was a trend. CK stays strong in her beliefs and values in everything she does, and impacts positive change in every room she steps foot in, ultimately making the world a better place. And even though she has a strong resume, she continues to stay humble and open in her humanness and individual interactions with others. Her honesty and authenticity is what makes her influence that much more powerful.

Here’s a glimpse into how she found healing in her mental health and interpersonal challenges with tremendous heart and hope:

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WHO AM I?

I am a first-generation Filipina-American. I am a teacher, a wife, a creative. I am in the process of reclaiming and decolonizing my identity as a woman of color, an Asian-American, a follower of Jesus, a daughter, a sister, and friend. Beyond that, I am someone who is learning to be present, grateful, and vulnerable in her daily life. Someone learning to live slowly with authentic joy and deep connection.

QUESTION 1:  WHAT DOES STOPPING THE MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA MEAN TO YOU?

I've recently been doing a lot of internal work around the dismantling the racist model minority myth and its emphasis on meritocracy and perfectionism. One of the harmful outcomes of the myth is that it corners Asian-Americans into staying silent when we are struggling - specifically with mental health. It gives us this false sense of security that we can "straight-A" our way out of any problem. #stopthestigma is being open and vulnerable about my own mental health journey. Talking about anxiety. Talking about therapy. It is being honest when I need help instead of trying to handle everything on my own. Mental health is the way we care for our mind and our inner self - our relationship with our thoughts. Mental health is something we can cultivate and heal. It is also something we never have to work at alone.

QUESTION 2: HOW HAVE YOU STRUGGLED WITH MENTAL HEALTH?

Anxiety has surfaced as a real struggle of mine. I learned from my therapist that situations which I can influence but have no control over are incredibly triggering. These triggers give me an emotional flashback to the initial trauma of my parents' divorce. I was a young person trying to influence adult decisions for my family. I wanted to fix the situation and save the day, but ultimately, parents are human beings with their own minds and choices. In reality, none of it was in my control and therefore none of it was my fault. Learning new ways to reframe my anxious thoughts when these type of triggers arise has been incredibly empowering.

QUESTION 3: HOW HAVE YOU OVERCOME AN EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMING TIME IN YOUR LIFE?

At the beginning of this year, I experienced gaslighting, spiritual bypassing, and scapegoating from people in spiritual leadership that I trusted. It was painful and I still feel emotionally unsafe. That event resulted in me experiencing several anxiety attacks. I lost motivation for passion projects and forgot things on the back burner. I only had enough mental bandwidth to teach - my students' smiles kept me afloat during the hardest moments. Through that season I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was and that my voice is powerful. Setting boundaries, advocating for myself, and telling the truth will always be worth the discomfort.

Grounding practices like deep breathing, singing, and visualization have become helpful tools when I feel a potential anxiety attack. I've learned to tune in to my breath and heart rate, and remind my body that it is okay; we are safe. Sometimes I just need a good cry. I need to listen to my body for that too. Finally, connecting with community carried me through. (Shout out to my dog for being emotionally intuitive.) Talking with my therapist and with trusted friends, family, and mentors is healing. People who really "see" me for who I am and hold me to my highest integrity are the kind of people I am grateful to have by my side.

QUESTION 4: SHARE WITH US A QUOTE THAT GROUNDS AND INSPIRES YOU< AND WHY.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28 NIV

This verse is grounding for me because one of my personal struggles is trying to carry everything for everyone. Now I understand that it's a coping mechanism that I no longer need to use. This verse reminds me that I never have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can always find rest in God.

QUESTION 5: IS FORGIVENESS IMPORTANT FOR MENTAL HEALTH? WHY?

Yes, a hundred percent. It's not easy to practice forgiving, especially when you are still hurting. But to me, forgiveness is freedom. You can forgive someone and still hold them accountable. The difference is that you no longer hold the burden of emotional negativity towards them. Forgiveness is freeing your own heart and mind to have peace.

Thank you CK for highlighting the importance of letting go of the unrealistic expectations placed on us and all things outside of our control. Thank you for reminding us that we don’t need to face our challenges alone, and that there is healing in community. Thank you for sharing that each of us has our own strength and truth within that deserves to be voiced and validated and heard.

From The Desk Of, 
Katrina Niere, LMFT
Founder of Mind Health Therapy