REAL*TALK SERIES/Ep. 9: Real* Talk With Darcie - Rediscovering Myself

This is our ninth episode of our Real* Talk Series where real people real talk about real mental health issues. I am so excited to introduce to you the guest for this episode, my family and dear friend, Darcie. Darcie never ceases to amaze me. She is creative, intuitive, kind, and super cool. She has the best taste and style in music, art, fashion, and all things aesthetic. Anyone who knows her, is inspired by her in the way she strives to always do better in every aspect of her life: physically, socially, intellectually, and especially emotionally and spiritually. I have gained so much wisdom from her testimony and continued enlightenment.

Here’s a glimpse into how she took ownership over her life, faced the darkest parts of herself, and learned to honor her worth to pave the way for her healing and empowerment:

click through slideshow or scroll below for reader-friendly viewing

WHO AM I?

I am Darcie -- a daughter, sister, granddaughter, aunt, friend, peer, occupational therapist, and photographer. I identify as my own person and as a whole, an identity I certainly did not always associate with. I am a spiritual being who values creativity, personal development, aesthetics, community, solitude, a healthy and active lifestyle, and stability. I am a believer of God, manifestation, and the power that lies behind owning your worth.

QUESTION 1:  WHAT DOES STOPPING THE MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA MEAN TO YOU?

When you acknowledge and prioritize your mental health, you acknowledge the real, raw, and sometimes darkest, innermost aspects of yourself. You honor how you’ve been hurt in the past or even presently, and more importantly, how you’ve grown and learned from that pain. Any time you suppress this area of your being, you dishonor and ultimately betray your truest self. Ending this stigma would mean shedding light to those who feel alone or ashamed in their journey and pain, and helping them realize we have far more power over our thoughts and circumstances than we’ve been conditioned to believe.

QUESTION 2: HOW HAVE YOU STRUGGLED WITH MENTAL HEALTH?

For years, I never knew what it was like to truly stand in my power and worth. I continuously played a victim to my circumstances and threw myself constant pity parties whenever there was a “negative” shift in my life. I didn’t respond well to rejection, abandonment, and uncertainty, and as a result, I struggled with unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self-harm, eating disorders, codependency, emotional unavailability, and persistent negative self-talk. The worst part of it was that I almost never opened up to anyone about it. I strongly believed that being vulnerable about my shadows and dark sides would be perceived as weak, uninteresting, or foolish to those around me. It wasn’t until I hit my lowest rockbottom to fully realize that mindset and perspective on life was getting me nowhere. I had to make the conscious decision to take responsibility for my attitude, outlook, coping strategies, and environment.

QUESTION 3: HOW DID YOU OVERCOME AN EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMING TIME IN YOUR LIFE?

When I hit my rockbottom, I experienced a heartbreak I never encountered before. Following an unwanted breakup and dealing with my dad’s diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia, I felt guilt, loneliness, betrayal, unworthiness, confusion, shame, and more. My biggest fear of losing control had suddenly become my reality and I was trapped in a limbo of denial, desperately holding on to something that was no longer existent or within grasp.

Once I realized sulking in the pain was only preventing me from moving forward, I made the conscious decision to take responsibility for my actions and way of life. Through numerous tearful conversations, prayers, self-help books, long journal entries, mental health apps, podcasts, and most important of all -- solitude, I learned how to observe, reflect on, honor, and redirect my thoughts. I began to understand it’s never been me against my circumstances, but me against myself.

I realized it’s always been my sole responsibility for how I react to and perceive any given situation, good or bad. Every circumstance is neutral. It’s up to me to determine whether it’s a positive or negative experience. I finally became aware that everything in life is truly a lesson to be gained and applied later down the road. Every heartache, loss, or shift in agenda is meant to align us with our truest, most whole and fulfilled self.

I was determined to rediscover myself and do the inner work. So through the help of a few Lacy Phillips workshops, I dove deep into the darkest parts of myself and pinpointed the sources of all my insecurities and doubts -- much of which was shaped through my childhood experiences of witnessing multiple divorces, undergoing emotional abandonment, living in an unhealthy relationship with a step-parent, and ultimately feeling alone. Once, I was able to identify these aspects of myself, I realized it wasn’t about suppressing what I experienced. Instead, it was learning how to integrate these denied parts of who I was and am by accepting the failures, setbacks, and flaws, and ultimately owning it all.

Rather than feeling shame or resentment toward my past, I learned to fully embrace how it has shaped me into the person I am today. The opposing feelings will always come, and when they do, I work hard to nurture myself and provide in the exact ways that are needed -- security, safety, love, attention, forgiveness, compassion, whatever it may be.

QUESTION 4: SHARE WITH US A QUOTE THAT GROUNDS + INSPIRES YOU, AND WHY.

"Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

This quote brings me peace as I reflect on every occurrence, encounter, and test I’ve experienced. It reminds me the more I accept things for what they are and the less resistant I am toward an unwanted outcome, the greater the likelihood of things ultimately turning out in my favor.

QUESTION 5: SHARE ONE OF YOUR MOST VALUED TOKEN OF WISDOM AND HOW IT GUIDES YOU.

I once read a statement saying, “Nothing that is meant for you will ever get away. Love deeply but without the need to possess or own. Let beautiful connections pass through you without attachment, slam your heart into the people, places, and things that ignite your soul, and the right things will stay. You will never lose what is for you.”  This perspective on life has served as a constant reminder that it’s an absolutely valid and beautiful thing to put your heart and soul into something. However, the key is to do so without unhealthy attachment -- and it is possible. I’m finally understanding that everything that is meant for me is already on its way, so why waste time trying to resist or alter the process?

Thank you Darcie for sharing with us what it means to radically accept all parts of life and ourselves without judgment or fear, and that in this we are allowed the opportunity to experience true peace and fulfillment. Thank you for reminding us of the power we each have within us, held in owning our worth and honoring our truest self.

From The Desk Of,
Katrina Niere, LMFT
Founder of Mind Health Therapy